A common thought you may have heard is that you are how you hang out with, or as John Rohn said, “you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”
I tend to disagree. People say to choose wisely whom you associate with because that defines your life’s direction. This situation parallels what came first, the chicken or the egg. Your social circle determines your destiny, or you define it first and then choose people for help. Either way, your wins are 100% your responsibility—it starts with you and ends with you. Of course, there will be people along the way that will, in some ways, be instrumental, but you don’t rely on them for your mindset. You have limited control and reliability over the outside world, but you can regulate your mind and effort in finding your true potential. Rumi says, “Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”
One key message; when I say winning, it is not relative to anyone else. It compares me to me. I’m winning if I’m getting better. I win if I can defy my mind, which is talking me into not grinding myself, to still getting up and finishing. I win if I overcome social bubbles that do not want me to leave the herd and do something extraordinary.
Looking back, I think my experiences and events in life so far have made me who I’m. I firmly believe that the motivation, moral, and emotional support we get from others is temporary. It is imperative, but the fuel it provides is generally short-lived. The inner drive makes us unstoppable. The motivation and courage to do anything extraordinary in our life, whether for a career, relationship, or even spiritually, comes from within (if interested, read more about me here).
Human evolution is such that we become social animals and are wired to live in tribes. It was essential hundreds of years ago when the environment was unsafe. Even after millions of years of development, social security and approval are assumed to be vital for our existence. The rules of a particular society lay the framework under which we operate, and it essentially becomes the world of limiting possibilities—a sort of bubble.
You have no control over where you were born and who your parents are. We also know that most of our life is defined by childhood experiences and the interests or skills we develop early on. The success or the failure can be traced back to some events that happened in the initial years of our life. Most of you would also agree that the friends we make during school are for a lifetime because, at that time, there was no purpose for friendship. However, at such an early stage, we were not choosing friends. At least, I wasn’t. Most of the time, it just happens, and you do things together and make and keep the friendship in good and bad times.
Mostly, the people surrounding us are our social cushions. Your 2 am friends, if you have any, would often listen to your ideas and desire for growth very carefully, be concerned and try to contribute. Even family will always provide our reasons as to how good we are. We fall back to them in times of difficulty, which is good but doesn’t support our relentless growth. They will typically not tell you to your face that you are not living up to your capabilities. They will not push you beyond your limits because they are too scared of your growth. Being among the herd is what everyone thinks is essential for well-being.
Your growth (personal, professional, mental, and emotional) is 100% your responsibility. You are the only person accountable for your win after win after win. You absolutely cannot outsource this responsibility and accountability. If at all anyone is needed in this journey is someone who could keep you accountable for your growth. This is a rare breed, and you would be fortunate to find this someone as a friend, coach, mentor, or life/business partner.
How do you keep yourself so focused on who you really are? Of course, you must have a clear goal and keep taking steps toward it. A crucial aspect is mental. It would be best if you kept out the social talk. As I mentioned above, people feel comfortable if you remain in the herd, and if you do anything to break the bubble, they will do everything to talk you down. Keep away from these thoughts.
A discrete strength I developed early in life to filter what I absorb in my psyche helped me immensely. I remember vividly that I would not keep any thoughts that I thought were talking me down or taking me away from my objective. Later in life, I learned that it is called Vishuddhi Chakra. In ancient yogic practice, active Vishuddhi, which is assumed to be in your throat, filters poison referred to as negative emotion, idea, energy, or impulse and provides freedom. I’m not saying in any way that my Vishuddhi is active at all levels, but I believe it is helping me stay on course by avoiding any negative external thoughts and even negative self-talk.
Who we are is, no doubt, sadly influenced by external factors, but the key is to trust yourself, listen to yourself, and hold yourself accountable fully for your objectives. The people who have looked beyond external factors and social bubbles have changed the world. You and I are perfectly equipped with everything we need to go beyond limits.
Confucius says you have two lives, and the second begins when you realize you only have one. Let’s go live it to our true self!
#neverarrive #limitlesspotential
I’m grateful for your time in reading this blog. In the comments section, let me know your experience and perspective on the subject. Please share the blog with your friends if you enjoyed reading it.
